Why Women Can’t Have It At All? -I have written first draft. And my professor gave it to me back to adjust. My thesis is attempted but it is fail and i nee

Why Women Can’t Have It At All? -I have written first draft. And my professor gave it to me back to adjust. My thesis is attempted but it is fail and i need some support. Also i am international student and there are so many grammar mistake, So i wanna just to adjust my essay with your support argument. I shared my essays below as a picture. First photo is determined my lacking and missing. – You should get references from the two essays “Why women still can’t have it all” (Anne-Marie Slaughter), “Why men still can’t have it all”(Richard Dorment). -My professor explained that i especially needed on paper and it was written black pen.-I am international student it should not be perfect but it should be good. English Department Grading Rubric. Created by the Composition Committee. In effect from the Fall 2011.
A paper that does not respond to the prompt: F
THESIS
SUPPORT
ORGANIZATION
CRITICAL READING AND LANGUAGE
THINKING
SYNTAX, GRAMMAR
A Thought-provoking Concrete examples
Sophisticated understanding of Controlled, precise use
Clearly Articulated from various sources
progression of ideas reading(s)
of language
Insightful
Well crafted transitions Addresses complexities
Varied sentence
Ample
Effective introduction
Accurate citation
structure and
Accurate
body, and conclusion
vocabulary
Clearly Relevant
Grammar and spelling
almost always correct
Well designed
BClearly articulated
Sufficient examples
from various sources
Mostly accurate
Relevant
Clear progression of
ideas
Clear transitions
Clear introduction, body,
and conclusion
Good understanding of
Appropriate use of
peading(s)
language
Avoids stereotypes
Good syntax and
Accurate citation
vocabulary
Grammar and spelling
mostly correct
Adequate understanding of Adequate vocabulary
reading(s)
Errors in grammar,
Relies on generalizations and/or syntax and spelling do
stereotypes
not hinder
Mostly accurate citations
understanding
C Identifiable
Adequate
Some inaccuracies
Mostly relevant
Vague examples
Repetitions
Some contradictions
Identifiable introduction,
body, and conclusion
Adequate transitions
May be some
digressions
D Attempted
Minimal
Logically flawed
inaccuracies
Attempted introduction,
body, and conclusion
Few transitions
May be numerous
digressions
Flawed understanding of
reading(s)
Oversimplifications
Attempt at citation
Limited vocabulary
Errors in grammar,
syntax and spelling do
hinder understanding
F
None
Contradictory
Vague
Irrelevant
Many inaccuracies
Extremely limited
Non-existent
Na introduction, body or
conclusion
Little to no transitions
Little to no understanding or
reading(s)
Little to no citation
Very limited vocabulary
Errors in grammar,
syntax and spelling
severely hinder
understanding
This rubric attempts to make the grading criteria clear to both students and professors. Professors will use common sense when
applying the rubric. A paper that shows/A work in Thesis. Support, Organization, Critical Reading and Thinking, but C work in
Language Syntax and Grammar might reasonably receive an A- if it were a timed 90 minute in-class essay. If that same essay had
the opportunity for at home revision, a B might reasonably be given.
in their
have
we
hould restate the
question
main
some
with women
O
have
we can
see
women much
are the
women
become
Many
How is the
question B
Women in Pousiness Life
I would say women are at disadvantage to men
o career. But it is only for tob career. Because went
f
pentaduca tage Because, life means not only gobcamper
discuss about carreer in their ?ub, yong
If
kind of problem. If I gather problems under
solot of
header; they would be “gender roles”, “society
and “phsical situations” & Simultinously, men have
?
similar problems but they can’t race
in this topic.
First of all, some societyes still do not accept in
career stage, although women
same rights
for
example if we examine manegement of any company
that there is
no company which
more than men. In addition, governments
a
same. How
president or
rates a women
And this reason demonsrate
men and women still dont
have same right, though it seems they have some rights.
However, society is changing with together that generations.
New generations dane hearing from traditions and they
live prea for example,
festid not go to school, but my mother graduated high
school. Today my
sisters are going university. My not
her did not work before and after marriage because
their family of did not allow. However, my sisters are
dreaming a good career, every thing is daanging
with society. But we still can’t say comletely that
today womena accepted in work life.
In addition, women are responsible in their family
house lope. Because men’s emotion Aten are
inadeqate as emotional. Most childeen dont
go
to talk their father when they encounter any
to nen.
want to
my grand nother
Goog
example
??
stick
want to be
lives.
as wo
men who
use the
last
name
we have
my
more
a
more
???NA
He also states they dont
figures in their children’s
Furthermor, Men started to claim agains
are feminist.
In are They say Again,
Rochar claime in his article “I graduated from
same school with
wife and att duantage
the same situations, she has
for example she is earning felnen ble
than me. > Analyzet
thesis
although
opinion, men
like women, they pener responsible and they
stronger as a pysical. Also I claim moment
although have more porcement in their life to the
re working and takin care
of pamily
and this is
Consequenthe, I think business world take
situations of
women and they
have improve their manegementens well
as they have to adjust
their time
In my
have
a lot of enforce bent
women
if it
are
Care of
according to
women
Come well made points
you must include alles
andrering the question
mak, cikan
2
more
to talk
gora
pronta
core
problem. Mothers are responsible on their chilmes
for example I would
mothe is encenter
go
my
any problem. Because my mothe can figure out problem
much more than my father. Therefore I ckim woman
effective in relatives and they are more
emotional. And it shows that women arene ting
not balonare handling only their carrer Also
Anne-Marie Slaughter dans is the president and
CEO of the New America foundation, claimed when
she adjusted her worker property as a time and
when she find more time to take
her children, she realized her children need her
But, she says that the late for it until at
that time. Also she says, I wanted to be able
to spend time with my children in the last few
yeon
any that they are likely to live
at hove
years for their development into respon
sible, productive happy, caring adults. But also
imeple seable years for me to enjoy the simple please
of parenting baseball games, piano recitals, waffle brook
My older son is doing very well these days, but even
a hard time, as all teenagers do,
being
home to shape his choices and help hity
make good decisions
decisions is deeply satispying
Therefore
kids and young adults need to being taken care
of by their monthers much more than father. This
situations slow down to climb
to climb quickly to their
On the other hands, Richard Dorment is
a senior editor at Wired magazine, bas opposi.
“Men want different relatiate
crucial
This
is too
grote
when he
gives
US
a
long
P
career stage
View Richard says
ship with their children than
the past!!

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